Helminthic therapy poetry

    From Helminthic Therapy wiki

    The Parasite Paradox

    A parasite said to its host,
    ‘Though I’m not trying to boast,
    My favourite trick
    Is making you sick,
    So your health will be better than most.’


    The Best Eight Doctors

    The best eight doctors anywhere
    And no one can deny it
    Are sunshine, water, rest and air
    A few safe worms, some FMTs
    Exercise and diet.

    These eight will gladly you attend
    If only you are willing
    Your mind they'll ease
    Your will they'll mend
    And charge you not a shilling.

    (With apologies to Wayne Fields!)

    The Top-up Dose

    The pipette's squeeze,
    The liquid's squirt,
    The hope the dose won't be inert.

    The dressing's on,
    The wait's begun,
    The clock is set, so all is done.

    Four minutes in,
    I hold my breath.
    Suspense like this could be my death!

    Five minutes… No,
    Can't feel a thing!
    Why is nothing happening?

    Six minutes… Ah!
    What was that?
    Perhaps I'll press the dressing flat.

    Yes? … No!
    A false alarm.
    My kingdom for an itchy arm!

    Hang on...
    Was that it?
    I think I may have just been bit!

    Oh, yessssssssssssss!
    What a dream!
    I'm all hitched up to a brand new team.


    The Dew Itch

    When you walk in the grass
    and you get an itch,
    don't scratch your skin,
    something good is burrowing in.


    The Twelve Days of Christmas

    On the twelfth day of Christmas
    my true love sent to me:
    twelve donors pooping,
    eleven stools-a-steaming,
    ten eggs-a-hatching,
    nine technicians counting,
    eight doctors doubting,
    seven asthmatics singing,
    six autistics mingling,
    five years relief,
    four months wait,
    three days itch,
    two plastic tubes,
    and five tiny hookworm lar-vae.


    A whipworm Q&A

    TSO, TSO, where have you been?
    We’ve been in a pig sty, all sparkly and clean.

    TSO, TSO, what will you now?
    We’ll upgrade your gut until you go, “Wow!”

    TSO, TSO, what will you then?
    We’ll leave you in health till you need us again.


    In the Ghetto

    (I got my start on NA through the Hookworm Underground. I was not able to drive myself to the pick up point, so my saintly mother took me. My provider would generously not accept any money for their donation, so I sang them this song in gratitude.)

    On a cold and cloudy April day
    A man put a patch on his arm and prayed
    In the ghetto
    In the ghetto

    And his mama cried.

    'Cause if there's one thing that he does need
    It's ten more hungry mouths to feed
    In the ghetto
    In the ghetto

    People don't you understand?
    A fellow needs a helpin' hand
    So he can grow to be a wormy old man
    Some da-ay
    In the ghetto

    Words set to this tune.

    The Amazing Dr Wriggly

    All the Queen's doctors
    And all the Queen's men
    Couldn't give Johnny
    His health back again.

    But then he met Wriggly,
    Who knew what to do.
    So Johnny felt better,
    And so too might you!


    Accompaniment to taking a first dose of HDC

    Bring out the flavour,
    And bring out the zest.
    Just bring out the helminths,
    And bring out the best.